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NEW BLOG

2011-10-02T13:00:00.001-06:00

ALL POSTING WILL NOW BE HERE:

La Wren Photography

Kayla O'Connor's Senior Pictures

2011-07-11T13:32:00.004-06:00

Williams Wedding

2011-07-11T13:03:00.008-06:00

**click on images to enlarge**

*publishing photos without permission is forbidden by law*

Reach to your sleeves.

2011-05-11T14:26:00.000-06:00

I reach out.

My hands are so full, I can barely taste anymore.
But full of what?

Whatever it is, it's still lacking.
But nothing is received.

No hope.
No breath of fresh air.
Not even a smile.

Disappointment.
That's what fills my hands.

Then I bring them back into my chest.
Where they have been safe for so long.

So long have I reached.
Reaching has become voluntary.
And voluntarily I become what I least wanted.
Wanting only to be happy.

Happiness lies nowhere near my hands.

But near my heart.

Too bad my heart slid from my sleeve to my palm.

Someone better get me to the emergency room quick.
Surgery is necessary.

6/4/08

The one who ran away...

2011-05-11T12:57:00.000-06:00

You'll always have time to busy.

2011-02-22T10:32:00.001-06:00

I would write more, but that would defeat the purpose in this moment. Maybe Later.

Love.

Um, where have I been?

2011-02-15T12:22:00.001-06:00

2011-02-05T23:27:00.000-06:00

News flash.

2011-02-05T23:26:00.000-06:00

No one likes to be pushed off the phone.

I love you. Goodnight.

Blank.

2011-01-26T00:30:00.003-06:00

And I can feel their absolute blank stares.

Bearing into the sentence drifting in midair.

Somewhere between understanding and judging.

The pause.

The absolute blank stare.

I'm always waiting for the reaction.

My circus act allows room for it, but not obviously so.

As I spill from one sentence into the next, hoping for an interruption....but alas, only a blank stare.

Not only from their eyes, but their very soul.

They don't care.

In fact, they are probably analyzing escaping from this conversation.

What, in theory, their next task to accomplish will be.

Boy, don't I feel important....

Tink, tink, tink. Is anyone in there?

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

There's never the honest reaction, just the taught one.

Excuse me. Oh, I'm sorry. Fine. Gasp. Sigh. Tsk.

Where's the reality?

The compassion?

The relationship?

Where's the look in your eyes that shows nothing NEEDS to be said because I already know what your soul is saying.

Where's that look?

It's too late to apologize by the time you realize that 13 full days have gone by.

You realize.

You realize what she said.

That she was hinting, inclining, and word dropping.

But you stepped right over her pile of cries.

Her plea for affirmation, inspiration and confrontation.

You had better things to accomplish.

But now....it's too late.

1/25/11

Oh, the rambles.

2011-01-20T23:40:00.003-06:00

All of us grasping for the original.

Looking for something to make our own.

Are we aware it's been done a million times over?

Step-step-step.

Breathe-grab-bend.

It's all routine, where does our heart lie?

Have we let our passion vanish with our plates?

Don't take that home dear,

it will taste horrible microwaved.

But noone warned us.

So we didn't even think about tapping the brakes.

We didn't even read the manual.

We didn't even receive the box.

Stupid e-bay.

Who have we become?

And we sit up oh-so-proud.

But of what?

We all take showers and put our pajama's on at some point.

Independence lies nowhere near the pilot.

So don't claim you're a rebel, your life screams of the contrary.

We all write our poetry.

Listen to our indie music.

And find our vintage t-shirts.

But yet, here we are in another genre.

With our group of followers….which one are you again?

No thanks.

I'll pass.

Let me off the boat, I'm ready to take my chances and….

Swim.

Rely-zation.

2011-01-20T23:40:00.002-06:00

We rely on our phone alarms to wake us up.

Our switch to turn our electricity on.

We rely on our clothes to stay on.

Our water to come through the pipes.

We rely on the taxi man to drive us where we need to go.

We rely on a large metal machine and a man we've never even been introduced to to fly us thousands of feet in the air.

We rely on our cars to drive from location to location.

Our chairs not to brake from under us.

A piece of plastic to suffice for currency.

We rely on pieces of metal to be our form of communication.

We rely on everything.

Our watches to tick.

Our microwave to warm.

And our beds to be soft.

Repetition allows us to rely.

But who and what are we truly relying on?

Our parents?

Our friends?

Our electronics?

I rely on my Abba.

A warm hug.

A welcoming smile.

And a true "I love you and I'll always be there."

But apparentally those are on sale at Wal-mart.

And I just ran out of money.

Cursive.

2011-01-20T23:39:00.000-06:00

I remember learning to write cursive in elementary school.

I thought it was the most difficult path my life would ever cross.

On the other hand, I also thought cursive meant combining not only the letters of the word, but the words of the sentence.

I was an ambitious little thing.

I, also, was always bummed out that my last name was so low on the roster.

My number in class always ranged from 22-25.

And that’s not so fun when you are so ambitious and your worst enemy’s name is Ryan Weaver and is ALWAYS in your class.

But I look back now, to my biggest obstacles…

My biggest worries.

And to think they felt so big, but in reality were so minor.

So, I sit back and think, if looking back from where I am now can produce this thought…

then, if I just push through my current process, one day…hopefully soon….the same thought will come.

It’s not as if I have a different choice, but it does allow my mind some sort of vacation.

And, my goodness, you have no idea how much my mind has worked from 9-5 to acheive it’s time off.

And I Welcome the Wind.

2011-01-20T23:37:00.002-06:00

I welcome the wind.
Thrashing against my back.
Recklessly.
As if I don't feel.
As if I'm a non-responsive object.

I welcome the sound of your heart beat.
It tempts me more than any repetition on earth.
Blindly, I run through the woods in search of something that is similar in worth.
But only stumble on the water crashing upon the rocks.

Why do I feel so lost...but also so found?

Deeper into the things I don't understand.
Contemplating the words I refuse to comprehend.
Pushing the plates of others onto the floor.

Everyone is deaf.
And quite happy.

They'll just get another plate.
They have no worries.

But I do.

That plate I designed, molded and cared for.
Should I be considered inconsiderate for pushing plates?
Or am I simply ringing the bell of warning.
Because whoever is getting paid to sound the alarm, has definitely slipped into a coma.

Can I ask you a secret?

2011-01-20T23:37:00.001-06:00

Something like it never lasts quite long enough.

Desperate to grasp the last thread as it slips through the gate///but too ignorant to make a decision.

I wonder how far we will actually get at the pace we're treading.

Or if making progress is the same as making protest.

Pushing and pulling within different points of views.

Why are you trying so hard.

Your Abba wants you to settle into His peaceful rest.

Calm down.

Breathe deep.

Look up and down every once in a while.

The view straight ahead isn't too exciting.

Try examining your surroundings and not just your path.

He strategically placed all things around you.

When every word is a foul reminder of past memories and future pretenses:::

I ponder on the empty thoughts that lead to my destruction.

Is it ok to purposefully drown my thoughts from my body?

Or should I allow my words to spill into your hands so that you may throw them at my vulnerable back when I'm least expecting it?

Correct.

I am as strong as you think///

but not as cunning as you suppose.

Take me for what I am.

Not what your vindictive thoughts have manipulated me to be.

Honest///yet scared.

I fall into the opposition of my poster child.

I don't want to disappoint a single thing.

What say you?

A duel to the death, I suppose.

The sooner the better, I suppose.

The masks are wearing thin///&&& soon all things new will be exposed.

Icicle Land.

2011-01-20T14:33:00.002-06:00

Awesome Etsy Shop

2010-12-17T09:51:00.002-06:00

Check her out HERE!

Love this deal for my Mac, she has some for Canon too!

- miss la wren

Recent Shoot for Sylvester Accessories

2010-12-15T17:21:00.005-06:00

Here's some recent images from a shoot I did. If you're interested in any accessories by this fab designer...check her fb page here :

Sylvester Accessories!

Also, I'm coming out with my own accessory line soon that will initially be feature on Etsy (misslawren's Etsy) and when I get more tech/website/HTML savvy, it'll be on my site :)

Happy Holidays!

I don't think anybody reads my blog...

2009-09-17T14:01:00.007-06:00

But here's a few images I've recently shot.

Also, my website is up now.

Misslawren.com

5.20.09

2009-05-20T17:27:00.003-06:00

So, today was much like any other.

But that's the thing....they are never quite normal.

Or maybe my mind just reads too much into things.

But today felt like a sharing day...plus, I'm ultimately bored of surfing the internet.

So here we are. :)

I woke up a little earlier than usual today on account of I need to eat a "well-rounded" breakfast because I was scheduled to donate plasma right after class.

Considering I've been rejected for donation more than once on account of low iron and protein, (which is a little embarrassing to be rejected to DONATE) I had oatmeal, toast, a banana, and a glass of o.j. along with my daily vitamin.

While consuming my foreign meal, (I'm lucky if I consume a apple on the way to school) I decided to catch up on the latest episode of the Hills which I had rejected to watch the night before.

Yea, bite me. I like the show.

Realizing the time, I quickly dressed, opting to just wear glasses to class, and headed to school early to work on some homework I'd rejected.

As I turned the ignition in my Buick Century, I noticed my eyes started to water uncontrollably.

Instinctively, I rubbed them in an attempt to remove whatever foreign particle managed to infiltrate my vision.

As I pulled from street to street on my morning route out of our neighborhood, I noticed it wasn't getting any better.

The beautiful blinding sunlight that most of our community was relishing was becoming an immediate enemy of my sensitive eyes.

Now, I was squinting them closed for a good 5 seconds in order to achieve a maximum of 2 seconds surveillance through my left eye in order to avoid collision with anything in front of me.

I somehow managed to get to school with tears streaming down my face and a puffy right eye.

'Obviously, somehow has abused that poor girl', was the look on the security guards face.

Embarrassed with my condition, I fumbled with my keys and phone and tossed my scarf around my neck a second time.

I rushed upstairs to work on homework and was relieved to see that only one other student resided in the lounge other than myself.

After 30 minutes of weeping over my online homework, I headed down to my classroom, where I was relieved to see that the lights were off.

No one would see my puffy face AND I could keep my eyes open long enough to pay attention to what the instructor was writing on the board.

Unfortunately, some oblivious boy had taken my usual seat.

The class started only 2 days ago......but still....

I sat down in a adjacent seat and was reminded to come and sign the attendance sheet.

I scuttled up front towards the projector screen to the sheet that she was waving fervently in the air.

As soon as the light revealed my shadow from the darkness, I felt immediate pain contort my face.

Obviously, this wasn't something in my eye.

I returned to my seat to find several students looking back to see what I was so upset about.

I couldn't "look back" to say the least.

I struggled for 30 minutes to pay attention.

Mostly rubbing my eyes and keeping them closed.

The oblivious boy next to me chuckled as I laid my head down.

I admit, the teacher was boring, but I would never insult any professor by falling asleep in their class.

He, obviously, thought otherwise.

As the instructor asked if anyone in the class could come up to the board and work on the problem assigned, I lifted my head in curiosity.

We are, in all actuality, in a COLLEGE algebra class.

But for some reason I smelled the middle school project of bean pods as I remembered scratching problems on the chalk board in 7th grade.

One of the young men in the class volunteered to work the problem on the board.

Excuse the diversion from my daily walk, as I describe him.

I had a psychology class with him last semester.

And to say the least, he's quite attractive.

The girls would SWOON over him in class.

That's not my style...but I will say he's good-looking.

Naturally, every girl in the class has positioned herself at strategic points around him, depending on what way they think he looks the most.

I just sit in the back completely and utterly amused by the unspoken rituals of college students.

As he walks to the board, I hear giggles and sighs contributing to the fact that not only is he handsome, but he has brains too.

OooooooOoooOOooo.

And at this juncture, I wonder.

He is nice, personable, intelligent, good-looking, humble, a family guy(I observed a lot from last semester as well), loves children, and wants to be in law.

Seriously?

What's wrong with him?

Because i know....something's wrong.

At this point, I'M the one who's giggling.

I always find humor in assumed perfections.

Because, believe me, I know SOMETHING is wrong.

I end up heading home early, my eyes can't take it anymore.

And I sleep until noon.

After this, I wear an eyepatch for the rest of the day and work on my one-eyed tasks that lay ahead of me.

Signing off,

The Weepy Pirate.

Pictures.

2009-04-08T16:28:00.005-06:00

Pictures are worth a thousand words.

But with every one I see.

Different things slip in my ear and sadly...

I only hear three.

Oh, how I want this to come.

2009-03-20T13:09:00.003-06:00

The longing I have for the future is overwhelming the present.

But I see it as a source of survival.

The only thing that's keeping the passion alive.

The only thing that is thriving within me.

I want to be with you, whoever you are.

In a lovely little apartment.

Small house/loft/studio.

With wood and exposed brick.

And we both work for what we want...so we will get it.

With a tiny dog and two cats.

A back porch filled with plants and a lovely vintage sitting area.

Our two bikes propped to the side.

The lovely weather blowing through the house, filling our senses with sunshine.

Wrapping around our skin with joy.

Spending time with each other and the Lord in the morning.

Working mostly from our home, so we can spend time with each other and our children.

Dressing in fabulous vintage finds and loving the past more than the present.

Buying vintage furniture and making our house look wonderfully cozy.

Being inventive together and loving each other more through each adventure.

Going on back rides and visiting the beach.

Having a room set aside for our art and music.

An old piano tuned to perfection.

A guitar and some drums.

An area to paint and create.

A sewing stations to repair and create.

Vintage bathtubs and mosaic sinks.

Lovely big couches with big throw pillows and lovely throws.

Baking and making organic refreshing lunches and dinners.

Teaching our little ones in the way of the Messiah.

Loving Him together and making sweet worship to offer at His throne.

Being involved in an amazing ministry and making a difference in this world.

Changing lives, together, at last.

Going swing dancing and supporting tiny coffee shops and cafes.

Reading to each other late at night.

Taking turns telling stories and laughing til it hurts.

Throwing lovely dinner parties for our friends and having people over for tea.

Opening our house for hours to relax with friends and family.

Having little ones running in and out barefoot.

Tucking them in with bedtime stories and sweet kisses.

Waking up with fresh breakfast for all of you.

Praying for you while you're gone.

Praying with you when you're here.

Going to a lake and sitting in the sun.

Packing a picnic.

Not living on a schedule, but relaxing and enjoying each other and His glory.

Loving Him, loving each other, loving what He gave us.

I simply can't wait to be with you and Him forever, dear.

I simply can't wait.

Although I'll never admit it.

2009-02-06T23:40:00.003-06:00

When I think of your hands, my stomach drops.

When I remember your hair, I miss the way you smell.

When I picture your smile, I feel like I'll never love again.

And knowing that I will is almost more upsetting then knowing I wouldn't.

Too Oh Oh 9.

2009-01-01T12:46:00.002-06:00

Happy New Year Kids.

I hope we all grow wiser, louder, farther than ever before.

It's been fun.

But I don't really want to say goodbye to 2008.

But hello to 2009 and beyond.

There's a lot my Jesus has for me.

I'm ready to experience everything this year holds for me and more.

I've grown a lot this past year.

And I made my resolutions in November.

The whole "I'm quitting" or "I'm starting" this or that on the first is a bit pretentious to me.

If you want to really change, you will.

Not on a certain date at a certain time.

So you can get your last binge out.

But a solid yes or a solid no.

Mine's a solid YES.

See yall on the flip side. ;)

For some,

2008-11-30T05:46:00.004-06:00

It's too early to even think.

But my mind never stops.

It worries in my sleep.

I drift off, dream and awaken to thoughts speeding through my body.

I wish I could rest with peace of mind and heart.

I feel like I've squeezed every last peace of me into the glass.

There's nothing else to give.

I need refuge.

I need vacation of mind.

Help me Jesus.

I need peace.

Pretending to be happy.

2008-11-02T23:58:00.002-06:00

Is all I've ever known.

Hopeless romantic?

2008-10-17T13:28:00.006-06:00

I think it's ridiculous how some guy's cue themselves as "hopeless romantic".

Most of society doesn't even know the first layer of what that means.

Seriously, some of the feathery daydreams I have are more romantic than any action a boy has ever thought of.

Don't try and woo some girl by telling her that this is one of your many characteristics.

It's plain to see you struggle returning phone calls and remaining constant.

Constant.

What a huge deal, but something that should be a bare minimum requirement.

One who is constant.

I'll have to add that to my list.

Someone always there.

Love never sways.

Tone never sways.

Presence never sways.

Just constant.

Obviously, you can't be constant until you've reached some point of maturity.

Too many boys find comfort in ducking for cover like I'm some g.i. with a gun.

Cowards.

Show me some men.

Just something with wheels.

2008-10-17T10:28:00.003-06:00

Well, I better be careful of my words.

A bike simply won't do when the blizzards arrive.

But I just need a car.

I'm twenty.

And granted, everyone in my family has given me their long drawn out speech that they didn't even have a car going through college, or they had a crapper one.

But I don't even mind having a crapper.

Honestly.

I just want something that runs.

Doesn't give me trouble.

And preferably has heat.

I can't say I have a desire for frostbite.

I was going to go out and look today.

At least see if I was approved or not at dealerships.

But my mom and my aunt worried me.

Car payment...insurance...gas...repairs.

On and on and on.

I wanted to gag.

How could they burst my bubble I had worked so hard on?

After all, I'm only operating on a few hours of sleep.

Anyway.

Guess I'll wait.

Talk to Dad.

I guess I'll figure it out.

I guess.

Love.

As of today.

2008-10-16T11:08:00.002-06:00

10/16/08

I live in Indiana, with my father.

And my two cats. :) Belle and Daisy.

I'm a second semester freshman.

I've worked at Olive Garden for 7 months and am about to become a certified trainer.

I like my job.

I like the people.

It's the first place I've ever worked where pretty much everyone makes an effort to get along with their co-workers.

I have fun.

I enjoy making work fun and making people laugh.

I'm working on myself right now.

Making a point to be involved at church...with nursery and the prayer room.

I need to learn to play the piano.

So I can lead my own set.

Have a bit more freedom.

Making a point to work out at least 2-3 times a week.

Which is sometimes impossible with my work schedule.

But I'm trying.

I became a vegetarian 3 months ago.

A vegan 2 weeks ago.

I didn't register to vote.

Maybe I should have.

But I think it's all a hoax anyway.

I wasn't going to vote at all, until Palin came along.

For the longest time, McCain voted Pro-choice.

No thanks.

Uhmm, let's see.

I need to take violin lessons.

I need to take sewing lessons.

But I'm trying to be disciplined, but still enjoying life.

Getting a hot cocoa.

Laying in bed with my cats and enjoying a movie with ice cream.

And yaknow...n0 matter how much I love the thought of sitting in my bed eating a tiny thing of ice cream.

I really just don't like ice cream.

I just don't.

I never crave it.

I don't know why.

But, of course, those who know me know that I'm more idea than desire.

So I went out to plan a fun little evening for myself and got ice cream.

Three bites into it, I was like, I don't like ice cream.

I mean, it doesn't gross me out.

But it's not an indulgence worth indulging in to me.

ANYWAY.

Side-tracked. :)

This week makes a year that I've known him.

And after an almost 3 month silence.

I hear from him.

So, it's funny that it's in this time frame.

I'm at a loss for conclusions.

I know what I want.

I'm not willing to settle anymore.

That's all.

I've treaded lightly before.

But my treading is oh-so light now.

Oh so very light.

I don't have a car.

But Im working on it.

Renting one of my fathers.

Mine blew up on the way to see United in Indy.

Which I sadly never got to see.

I've been selling stuff on ebay.

I need to start selling more.

However, I did have a fabulous dream last night that I became this impressive designer from the inside of my room.

Oh man, i just now remembered that.

I need to go and sketch some of those ideas out.

That's all for now.

This was really for me.

To look back and see where I was.

My life changes too much.

So Ill probably write more of these.

Love.

Good God, I'm alone.

2008-09-19T23:43:00.002-06:00

I mean, you can deny me that statement.

But in every sense of the word...

I cry alone.

I feel alone.

I dance alone.

I listen....alone.

I drive alone.

I shop alone.

I choose alone.

I sleep alone.

I create alone.

I laugh alone.

I'm surrounded by breathing bodies.

But good God, I'm alone.

Plane rides and bus stops.

2008-09-02T04:50:00.003-06:00

It's a new dawn.

It's a new day.

It's a new life for me.

And I'm feeling good.

I had a FABULOUS weekend in Puerto Rico.

Sun, fun, and laughs that were truly needed.

And most importantly....dancing. :)

Tee and Lou's wedding was absolutely breathtaking.

And I truly hope that the pictures I took did them justice.

It's so wonderful being surrounded by people that love and care for you.

No matter what.

I realized quite a bit this weekend.

Probably things I've known before.

But in a whole new light.

First off, I'm young.

And I will have fun.

I will put myself out there and have a good time whenever possible.

If it calls for jumping, I jump.

Dancing, I dance.

Shouting, I shout.

There's no reason to hold back.

I have my whole life to do that.

And secondly.

I have so much to offer.

Not in a conceited way.

But I shouldn't settle for anything less.

ANYTHING.

Which I usually do.

I have very few people that I hold dear to my heart.

But those who I do.

I would do anything for.

Love is beautiful.

Finding the one that was created for you is awe inspiring.

When Lou and Tee were giving each other vows it was just so amazing.

I couldn't imagine either one of them with anyone else.

It was predestined.

Since the beginning of time.

They were meant for each other.

I want that.

Second to the Glory of my heavenly Father.

I want to experience the love that He has destined for me.

In the meantime, I'll just prepare myself.

Ready my heart.

And pray fervently.

Love.

It feels more alone at night.

2008-08-06T00:45:00.003-06:00

Because everyone's asleep.

And there's no one to talk to.

I've been having a very hard time putting myself to sleep lately.

I'd like to blame it on my lack of exercise, eating habits, or the warmer temperature of my room.

But honestly, it's just a repulsive uneasiness.

I can't stand it.

I want it gone.

I miss smiling.

I miss laughing.

I miss quality time.

Finals are Thursday.

But I feel like nothing is finally coming to a close.

I feel behind.

I feel failure.

I feel disappointment.

I honestly feel like a complete loser.

I have little to no motivation.

And I'm drained.

I cry.

And could care less.

And cry some more.

Loneliness has consumed every part of me.

And my only rest is in that the Lord is with me.

But I still have trouble embracing that.

A lot of trouble.

I feel like I've lived 30 years in my 20.

I don't feel like any 20 year olds life should feel or be this way.

I see others.

And feel an urge of jealousy.

I'm tired.

And can't sleep.

I'm attempting to distract myself on a continual basis.

But let's face it.

I'm too honest with myself.

Love.

Um, best image ever.

2008-07-19T20:28:00.004-06:00

Raindrops.

2008-07-19T20:21:00.002-06:00

Raindrops suffocate my car
as the teardrops stream down my face.
There's no reason to hold back,
the people won't stare,
I blend in so well now.

I'm truly alone in this rainy climate.

Frightening....

Noone can see you...
....it.

Which means the vice versa also holds truth.

It may not scare you, though.

In your selfish seat.
All you do is wonder whether or not your tires are safe for the weather.
Or if your blades will hold true.

My, what our minds wonder to.

Such petty little observations.

When the person next to us.

Is weeping with the rhythm of the rain.

And all we do.

Is sit at our stop light.
And stare.

Finally found where I belong.

2008-07-15T19:39:00.003-06:00

In your presence.

Finally found where I belong,
it's to be with You.

To be with You.

There's nothing I desire more.
To sit at your feet.
And stare into the eyes that made me.

To worship you with all that I am.

I am my Beloved's.
And He is mine.
So come into Your garden and take delight in me.

Here in Your presence God, I find me rest.
No where else shall I lay my head.
For my soul.
Yes, my soul rests in you.

It's like

2008-07-14T19:55:00.003-06:00

what can be more difficult than learning to progress in reverse?

Not much, I tell you.

Not much at all.

It's really hard for me.
To not be upset.
To be accepting.
And learn to grow in reverse.

It's not easy.
So hopefully it pays off.

If not, this is a lesson well learned.

Oh, no no no.

2008-07-13T23:50:00.001-06:00

Could someone please just let her know she just missed one or two lines.
But seriously, that's it.

Love.

Pardon me.

2008-07-13T23:39:00.003-06:00

While I'm inspired.

Sigh.

I love the Secret Garden.

I now have the urge to Garden.
Fall in love.
Slap someone.

And design an entire clothing line.

I love this movie.

I will run.

2008-07-08T13:19:00.002-06:00

Down the path.
Into the forest.
Warm, lively soil beneath my bare feet.

I smell nature.
I feel one with God's creation.
I pause.

And lay down.

Everything is moving.
Making way for the weight it's now pressured by.

Reacting to pressure.
Reacting is law.
Reaction is necessary.

The soil smells like it's alive.
Breathing, growing.
Holding it's breathe until is escapes from the grip of my skin.

I get up.
Ignoring the filth on my bare legs and arms.

I run.
Leap across the stream.
And find a steeper gulf to rinse off in.

Running.
Running.
Running.

Faster.
Faster.

Deeper.

Into the forest.

To find you.
To experience you.

But my travel is part of my experience.

Help me to realize and appreciate, Father.

Help me to understand what you have in store for me.

Love.

I don't

2008-07-03T11:46:00.002-06:00

have a reason to be upset with you.

I really don't.

But the whole thing is just really frustrating at times.

Really.

Frustrating.

I mean, not that much.

I'm done.

Love.

Nothing but the Cross.

2008-06-21T10:04:00.002-06:00

Live Creatively, friends,

If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself.

You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out.

Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed.

Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law.

If you think you are too good for that.

You are badly deceived.

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given and then sink yourself into that.

Don't be impressed with yourself.

Don't compare yourself with others.

Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

Be very sure now, you who have been trained to a self-sufficient maturity, that you enter into a generous common life with those who have trained you, sharing all the good things that you have and experience.

Don't be misled.

No one makes a fool of God.

What a person plants,

He.

Will.

Harvest.

The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others - ignoring God! - harvests a crop of weeds.

All he'll have to show for his life is weeds!

But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.

Galatians 6:1-8

Pitter patter.

2008-06-15T22:58:00.002-06:00

My heart goes.

Hurts.

Loves.

Wants.

Pitter patter indeed.

Such childish nonsense.

Such overwhelming need.

Hurry now, my love.

I've been preparing for such a long time.

So we can run away.

Pack our bags.

And run away.

To kiss you in the night.

To love you how I've dreamed of for years.

Pitter patter, my love.

The time is drawing near.

Drawing sketches of my wild flowers.

The ones in the vase in our brick loft.

Hurry now, dear one.

Times a'wastin.

Love.

Romans Eight Eighteen.

2008-06-14T13:23:00.002-06:00

That's why i don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times.

The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next.

Everything in creation is being more or less held back.

God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be release at the same moment into the glorious times ahead.

Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.

All around us we observe a pregnant creation.

The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs.

But it's not only around us....it's within us.

The Spirit of God is arousing us within.

We're also feeling birth pangs.

These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance.

That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother.

We are enlarged in the waiting.

We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us.

But the longer we wait, the larger we become and the more joyful our expectancy.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along.
If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter.
He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.

He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.

That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

God knew what he was doing from the beginning.

Mmmmm.

2008-06-07T14:38:00.003-06:00

This is a candle that makes a crackling fire sound when it burns.

And mine just happens to be the scent of a fireside.

Oh, it is love.

Love.

I want to be the reason

2008-06-06T14:44:00.002-06:00

that you're happy...

Reach.

2008-06-04T19:38:00.002-06:00

I reach out.

My hands are so full, I can barely taste anymore.

But full of what?

Whatever it is, it's still lacking.

But nothing is received.

No hope.

No breath of fresh air.

Not even a smile.

Disappointment.

That's what fills my hands.

Then I bring them back into my chest.

Where they have been safe for so long.

So long have I reached.

Reaching has become voluntary.

And voluntarily I become what I least wanted.

Wanting only to be happy.

Happiness lies nowhere near my hands.

But near my heart.

Too bad my heart slid from my sleeve to my palm.

Someone better get me to the emergency room quick.

Surgery is necessary.

Love.

Hurry up Little Girl.

2008-06-04T16:48:00.004-06:00

Hurry up small one.

You don't have much time.

You've been out of the womb for 13 hours now.

Here.

Here's some nail-polish and lipstick.

That outta speed things up.

We don't want you falling behind.

Falling behind the other girls and boys.

Oh, no no no.

You must stay up to speed.

What?

You're seven and without a pair of heels?

You don't even have a flattening iron???

That won't do.

Here's a mini skirt to push you along.

So, you're telling me your fourteen and not even pregnant?

Where have you been hiding?

You're protecting your innocence.

Psh, get with the times.

No one even SPEAKS of such things anymore.

Hurry up

Kiss a boy.

Lose your virginity,

Become a mother.

Who cares if you are just out of puberty.

HURRY.

UP.

We don't have a minute to waste.

Don't forget you will probably overdose or get an STD by 30.

So we have to ration our other years out accordingly.

Hurry.

The taxi won't wait little girl.

And you don't want to be left out in the pouring rain.

In your brand new dress.

With all your peers pointing and laughing.

Hurry up little girl.

Because you must hurry.

Hurry to be like them.

Hurry to join the dead.

Hurry up Little Girl.

Hurry.

School is

2008-05-20T11:11:00.002-06:00

interesting.

I mean, I know this degree will pay off.

I know that.

But this is not what I want to do.

I'm not enjoying it.

I'm learning stuff.

Obviously, I mean this is school...

I guess I need a creative outlet is what I'm trying to say.

And I'm deathly afraid that I will soon be stuck in some rut that does not allow me to have time for the things I enjoy doing.

I neeed to create stuff.

I woke up the other morning, sat down on my floor and put together a collage.

And it just felt so good.

So, I guess here's to taking some steps and getting things done.

I've also been watching the Hills.

A couple of things I don't understand.

Well, one mainly.

How do these kids have so much money?

I mean, seriously.

Hardly any of them work.

And even if they do, they all seem like they work for fun.

Not to be financially stable.

I mean, their parents can only have so much money.

Unless all 20 of them have unbelievable inheritances.

Just wondering.

Love.

Newspaper Love.

2008-05-16T11:23:00.002-06:00

Here's to creating.

And beginning.

And helping.

And loving.

I'm so happy that I'm at Jesus' disposal.

He's using me left and right.

And it just makes me smile. :)

Well, I have sufficiently wasted way too much time with ridiculousness this morning.

But I think ridiculousness is good sometimes, my brain needs an occasional break.

And Friday mornings are going to be my only time off now, so I betta take advantage of it. :)

I need to clean room and get some stuff done, but I have no motivation.

Except for the fact that it's difficult to get OUT of my room. ;)

Love.

Sign of the times.

2008-05-13T20:56:00.002-06:00

I just downloaded Microsoft Office 2008....fah free.

Boo-yah.

Cha-la-ka-la.

And yes, it's legal.

I just go to the coolest college ever that offers it to accepted students.

So, yea...I just basically saved 300 dollars.

Besides all that.

It's the coolest little shin-dig in town.

How ya like them puppies? ;)

My cat's are doing better.

School was....interesting. :)

I like my Sociology class.

I think I'll learn junk.

But, hey...isn't that what school is about?

Work tomorrow.

School on Thursday.

Church Thursday night.

Work Friday.

Emily's Friday night.

Orientation Saturday.

Work Saturday Night.

Emily's Saturday Night.

Sunday church.

Sunday night work.

Work Monday.

School Tuesday.

Work Wednesday

And then it repeats until:

A. I become a millionaire.

B. Jesus fast forwards my knowledge into four years from now.

or of course

C. I run away to Israel to be a piano-banging, dress-making gypsy.

All three will suffice.

OH!

And I met an amazing Jewish girl today at school.

Who struck up conversation because she saw me ring.

Andddd. We saved about 150 dollars on my text books.

Thanks to half. com

If you're a student....

You seriously need to check it out.

Thanks, E!

Love.

It's so true.

2008-04-14T17:19:00.004-06:00

And so.

2008-04-12T14:32:00.004-06:00

I can't wait until I figure out where I am.

And what to do with myself.

Because I want to create stuff like that.

THAT. is amazing.

Amazing.

I'm tired.

My body is in pain.

But God has answered one of my most thriving prayers.

He never leaves his children in pain for too long.

I pray that tomorrow goes well.

Now, to plan an outfit.

Hopefully one that consists more of the color black. :)

I have a power tool and a coffee mug to my right.

Haha, that makes me smile.

Love.

Nothing much.

2008-04-05T21:38:00.002-06:00

Here I am.

Closing in on midnight on my third day here.

Adventure?

I would say not.

I feel sad, and I can't quite put my finger on it.

But nevertheless...

Here I am...on my Dad's old laptap.

Waiting for the approval to purchase a MacBook.

My Nylon, Bible and phone to my right.

And a pile of disgarded hoodies to my left.

I need to get settled.

I feel like a nesting mother.

Minus the mother bit.

Church is in the morrow.

Religion followed by fake smiles.

Whoo-pee.

I need to go check out the church in South Bend.

It's only been three days, and I already feel like I'm losing my salvation.

New school, new job, new life.

I think I might bring my dog up here.

To have some sense of security.

I feel worth in taking care of others.

Maybe that's a bad thing, but then again, maybe not.

I feel like I'm walking through market with wet noodles.

And I'm continually dropping them.

It's a very upsetting feeling.

But I can only trust in God.

That is the ONLY thing I can do right now.

Father, I pray that you would guide me in the direction that you want for me.

Not what I want for me.

I give up my life to you.

I am yours.

Love.